The Bitch is Back ( 7 year update)

I know I know it’s been 3 years since I last updated this blog. I thought I was done with Melanoma… but if you hadn’t figured out by the title of this post, I’ve had a cancer recurrence. I will get into those details shortly but a whole lot has happened over the last 3 years so I will summarize below. Also feel free to check out the Timeline, which has been updated with a bit more detail. In addition, I have been posting regularly on my Instagram since this all started for more of a play by play.

If you are new here – I was diagnosed with Stage IIIB malignant melanoma in June of 2016 after having a misdiagnosis in 2010. I was treated with surgery and 2 forms of immunotherapy – Interferon (no longer used) and Ipilimumab. Ultimately I had a drug reaction to ipilimumab and had to stop treatment in 2017. I had been cancer free until September 2022.

Quick timeline review since last post

2019 – I won my last national championship with Brute Squad.

2020 – I got pregnant with my daughter Zoë. Sadly she died inside of me when I was 8 months pregnant for unknown reasons. I delivered her stillborn on August 22nd 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. Her death was far more devastating than cancer ever was or will be. It changed me to my core and I will never stop missing her. I spent a lot of time writing about grief since then – see my Instagram for more details.

2021 -developed subacute thyroiditis, which may have been a delayed immune reaction to previous treatment or from being postpartum
– got pregnant with my son Jordan

2022 – January 29, 2022 – gave birth to my son Jordan, alive and healthy. Developed pretty severe postpartum anxiety related to the trauma of Zoë’s death.
September 2022 – I have my first set of scans since before becoming pregnant with Jordan. We find a new 7mm nodule in the the right middle lobe (RML) of my lung that is suspicious for metastatic melanoma.

October 2022: I have a lung biopsy but they miss the nodule and the biopsy is non-diagnostic. we can’t start treatment without definitive diagnosis. We continue to watch an wait every 4 months until the nodule gets big enough to biopsy again.

Nov 2022 – Sept 2023: The lung nodule in my RML grows to 11mm. Smaller nodule in my RLL is now 4mm.

Nov 2023: 2nd attempt to biopsy the nodule. Biopsy confirms metastatic melanoma. I have stage IV cancer.

Present Day

Turns out when you have stage IV cancer, people move quick for you. After consulting with my fertility doctor and oncologist, we decided to start fertility preservation by freezing embryos since I’m going to be 37 tomorrow and will be starting a year of immunotherapy and who knows what the future holds. This also allows us to do genetic testing, as we found out I may carry a gene that increases risk of melanoma and kidney cancer. 

My fertility doc had me start IVF drugs right away, which involved 3 different drugs injected into my belly on the daily. I was able to continue working out until about 1 week ago, when just regular walking started to be uncomfortable (at one point I had 18 follicles floating around). I had what felt like continuous monitoring last week with transvaginal ultrasounds (just as uncomfortable as it sounds) and blood draws that involved an especially aggressive phlebotomist stabbing me so hard I was left with a giant bruise. 

Anyway, I had the egg retrieval on Tuesday (Dec 19th), where we got 15 eggs. 13 were mature enough and then 8 were successfully fertilized to form embryos that we froze for future schwambabies. Everyone keeps telling me this is good, so I feel happy about that. I feel like I have just been going through the motions – like it hasn’t hit me that we basically harvested our future children a few days ago. Science is like really fucking cool. Also shock is a hell of a drug.

Not to be outdone, Lege passed out during his blood, lol. He’s fine. So glad I’m the patient and not him.

After the retrieval I slept for 5.5 hours, woke up for dinner where I developed a terrible migraine and then went back to sleep for the night. Shoutout to Lege and Tutu for taking care of Jordy while I was unconscious. 

I am so happy to be done with the IVF process. Lege was prepared for hurricane schwam but recent reports were that it was a dud lol, so I wasn’t as hormonal as we thought. However, 2 days out and I’m still feeling quite bloated and uncomfortable. I just want to be able to play frisbee again, so who knows, aftershock schwam might just appear from forced sedentary life. 

Just got the call from my oncologist yesterday that we will repeat scans January 12th, have a few teaching sessions related to the new treatment, and start infusions Jan 16 with Opdualag. Opdualag is a combination of 2 immunotherapies (nivolumab and relatlimab) that work together to activate my immune T cells to fight the cancer. Unfortunately sometimes this can cause autoimmune reactions (like last time with my liver and thyroid) so here’s hoping that doesn’t happen, at least for a while. Since I am young with a robust immune system, some of these reactions can be serious – this is what I am most worried about.

I think as I am writing this post, the reality of the situation is starting to hit me. Previously, it has felt like nothing had changed and I was kind of anxious that I wasn’t feeling more anxious lol. Now I’m feeling annoyed, frustrated, sad that we have this huge bump in the road. I’m scared of the side effects of treatment. I’m scared that I won’t be able to play ultimate. I’m scared that I won’t get to be the mom, partner, friend, daughter, NP that I want to be. I’m scared that my mental health will deteriorate. I’m scared that the treatment won’t work and we’ll have to do surgery. I’m scared that my parents are reading this and are worrying too much about me (I hope they laugh when they read this, because I’m FINE, GOSH).

But I am also so grateful for so many things and people. I have the best community who has shown up time and time again for me and my family (UGH I’M SORRY). I’m terrible at making plans so I just ask that you please forgive me and keep texting/calling me because ya girl has been off her ADHD meds for a few years now. Anyway, thanks for reading and I’ll try to keep y’all updated. Much love, and fuck cancer, and fuck Melanie – that dirty, dirty whore. 

And because my son is the cutest – please enjoy a few recent photos